Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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