i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
