apparently the secret to your success is patron
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
