DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
