Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You were trust falling into bushes
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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