Dude my mom stole all your condoms
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
