it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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