I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
