if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
