Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
