At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
