ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
