twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
