dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All the doctor said was why
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
