the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
