Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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