YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
