I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
