ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
