I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize