Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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