my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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