remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
