he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize