party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
