am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize