My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
