Whatcha textin bout Willis?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
