I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
barbara walters just said penis...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
