we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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