I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We had to coat check the pizza.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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