it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
