So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize