I seem to have left my pride at pride
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
