Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She bit a glass in half.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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