I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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