you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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