You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
