I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
