are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
