When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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