dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Girls should come with a carfax report
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
