Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
