i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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