the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
