Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just want to make out with him forever
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
