i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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