i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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