i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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