True but thats because hes a fetus.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
