Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
