You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
