I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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