If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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