dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
