My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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