you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You smell like stripper and shame
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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