im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
