I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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