don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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