There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
