bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
