I need help removing her.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
