my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
