a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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